Life. Life. Life.

Have you ever felt like you’re running on auto-pilot? Like everything’s going on and you’re participating, but when you look back, you honestly have no clue what’s been going on in life? Yeah…. So that’s kinda how I feel right now with most things. I feel like I’ve been running on air and water all week. I’m hoping to change that with winter break coming up and everything.

Christine and I are trying new things to get us the flat stomachs we want. I know some people think we’re stupid and that we don’t need to do this. Let me just get this out in the open. No. I am not one of those stupid girls who think they’re really fat and are going to become anorexic/bullemic because I’m not skinny enough. No, that’s not me. I just don’t feel comfortable with my weight and I just want to work on it because I think I’m just over-doing the fatty foods. I want to be able to have muscle and be able to wear a bathing suit next summer without feeling uncomfortable. It’s just how I feel about myself right now. But I’m working on it, and I’m not going around being like “omgg I’m so overweight I’m going to go anorexic”. Cause that’s just stupid. I just really want people to respect what I see in myself and how I want to work to make it better without anybody criticizing me and contradicting me when I tell them what I’m doing. I’m just exercising and eating more healthy! How is that a bad thing?? Goodness.

Whenever I talk to a friend I haven’t talked to in awhile, one of the first things they ask me is “How are you and Andrew??”. So I feel like talking about me and Andrew right now I guess. Andrew and I are amazing. I get to see him pretty much every day, which just makes me realize more and more every day how much I love him. He’s just perfect! He’s so kind and loving… and all he cares about is if I’m happy. And OMG! He’s so cute with kids (I know this is completely irrelevant but let me explain). At the UHL shows this weekend, he helped out backstage with me and Erica… and he became close to Mady (one of my lovely daughters… the youngest too). Every time I would look over at him, he would be sitting with Mady in his lap and they were just playing around for the longest times just enjoying eachother’s company. It was so sweet. She really got attached to him, and he was just happy that she didn’t hate him (lol she’s been known to hate some people). Anyway. Back to Andrew and me. He just makes me so happy! Like he’ll come over, and he’ll give me a hug, and I’ll focus my eyes on his smile and then slowly move up to his eyes and once I see them, a huge smile appears on my face. I can’t help it! And I know that sounds really gushy, but it’s completely true. His eyes are the most gorgeous light sea blue I have ever seen in my life; and that’s coming from someone who loves different eye shade colors. 

Ok, so I think these are good enough life details for right now. Maybe more soon? We’ll see.

issues.

okay so hypothetically.

say you have a best friend of the opposite gender who you’ve known since you were like 5. you two still hang out regularly like every weekend and talk alot during the week. and you also have a boyfriend who understands you’re really good friends with this other guy and is accepting of it. your friend and you were planning on going out on a saturday to hang out. now your friend is talking to you one night, a couple nights before you plan on going out, and he starts talking to you about girls. you’re used to the subject because he goes to you for advice on girls alot. but for some reason, he’s asking about you instead of other girls. you’re caught off guard about the way he’s talking when he says something about him trying to make a move on you. you remind him that that would be pointless, because one you’re like brother and sister together because you’ve known him for so long, and two you have a boyfriend who you love deeply and that’s not going to change. he says something back and you remind him that you are serious. and he says back “maybe i’m serious too.” which logically means he’s serious about making a move on you. so you stop talking to him and decide you don’t feel comfortable going to hang out with him by yourselves on saturday because of what he said. but somebody else who heard about what happened still wants you to go. and you try to explain to them why you don’t want to go but they don’t seem to respect that you just don’t want to go and they get upset with you about it. how do you not go crazy? why can’t they both just respect that you don’t want to go no matter what your reasons are. you shouldn’t have to prove anything to anybody. no matter what it is. (unless you want a star role in a musical, then prove it to whoever you have to. but thats not the point.)

again. hypothetically.